Our first clematis

In our last house the clematis we planted grew with our family. This one will grow with us too. I wonder what changes it will see.

Exam fever

Advanced higher music tomorrow. We are taking this one seriously.

Conducting observations

I play in several different ensembles, across different musical genres. Amongst the several classical orchestras to which I contribute, there are 3 whose conductors are all highly competent musicians who understand the music well, and who also represent 3 different approaches to orchestral direction.

The first is the youngest and demands very high standards of performance from us. This he does by pinpointing with enviable accuracy who is able to improve their line, and in what way. He drills those players until, by intense focus, they begin to approach the sound he has in his mind. He then links their part with relevant others, and then with the section of music before and after. This is a very thorough and intense approach, which is quite stressful for the amateur players who form the orchestra. It seems to me that people who are playing for pleasure are usually trying their best. Making the violins play their tricky passages alone when their C# is still not sharp enough, for example, simply leads to more and more tentative playing. A good performance is eventually achieved through intense concentration by all players. I practise intensively for this orchestra in order not to be embarrassed at rehearsals.

The second conductor is from a choral background. He is a very relaxed singer, whose interpretations as a former soloist were heartfelt and sounded natural and unforced. As a choral conductor with an orchestra to accompany his choir, he mainly leaves it to the instrumentalists to sort out matters of ensemble and balance. He is rewarding to play for because of the level of trust he invests in the players, and because his response to the music is intensely emotional and personal. I practise for this orchestra because it’s a small group and my contribution will matter.

The third is habitually positive and sympathetic. He smiles and laughs during rehearsals. He acknowledges that players are trying their best and offers advice in a spirit of collaboration to achieve a mutual objective. He frequently compliments sections on their improvements. He has high expectations, which he expresses through entertaining analogies, metaphors and similes. I practise conscientiously and with enjoyment for this conductor and I have probably made most progress in my technique through playing for him.

I try hard for all three conductors, and get enjoyment from playing for each but I'm sure my playing is best for the third.

Dies Irae

It’s interesting that Don’s last two posts have concerned the concept of judgement. He received a letter from a teacher who, he felt, impugned his professionalism, the quality which, I suspect, is of the greatest importance to him personally. This happened to me recently with a parent, and I know how much it hurts. Even when you have colleagues, friends and the main part of your own intellect telling you that the person was wrong, there’s still that Scottish Calvinism genetically implanted in the furthest reaches of your psyche whispering that you could have done better, and therefore in some respects the critic was right. It hurts a lot.

The matter of unconditional positive regard is tricky because there are many perceptions involved – it’s not a one-way or absolute thing. I may think I am showing genuine UPR for someone, but the person may not perceive this. Or this person may have learned how to manipulate others through emotional withdrawal, and by saying “the teacher doesn’t like me” hopes to get his or her own way. Or the person may have learned early on that if someone disagrees with you it means you Fear of rejection is deeply rooted and people take different routes to preserve themselves from it. Could it be that for some, showing UPR is actually a

I think that to ensure that this isn’t the case, non-judgemental UPR needs to be accompanied by the 2 other Rogers ideas, congruence, and empathy. In other words, it’s not just about showing but also about feeling. And I think that’s harder. I know that I should show UPR for the child in my class who constantly disrupts and spoils my best planned and most exciting lessons, but I have to be genuine and I have to feel where he is coming from for UPR to be perceived by him.

But in a classroom, it’s not just a 2-way process. It's not the relatively secure client-therapist context. The expectation of the 30 or so others in the room is that a discernable negative consequence will follow such behaviour. I realise that in the real world, not the ideal one, the negative consequence most children expect is the observable withdrawal of positive attention, and/or affection. Most children (and adults) in the room will expect that if Jimmy lifts his feet to another child that the teacher should swiftly establish control and reinforce the hierarchy that gives them security. How is this achieved while at the same time showing congruence, UPR, and empathy for Jimmy? Apart from explicitly separating personal response from behavioural, ("You have done a thing that has hurt someone. He is crying and I don't like that. But I still like you." just doesn't seem a realistic response does it?) I don’t have an answer, and I think I don’t succeed as often as I’d like.

Finally, some children, like Jimmy, have backgrounds I would not wish on my worst enemy. Despite this knowledge, I know that a parent like Jimmy's who doubted my professionalism might be right – I Yet I know that they are perpetuating a cycle they have not begun themselves but are in the middle of, and which may deny them the insight to know it. With congruence and empathy, blame is not possible, but steps forward may be.

Glowing even more faintly

I am becoming increasingly frustrated. My Glow laptop was rebuilt a couple of weeks ago so it could interact with the RM CC3 network at school. To do this I had to back up all the stuff I'd put on it because apparently it was essential that the hard drive was wiped during the process. Now it is driving me bananas!

• won't install Adobe Reader so I can't read Technologies Experiences and Outcomes document for the launch on Tuesday
• won't retain iTunes and therefore podcasts. All the songs I've purchased remain on my external hard drive and have to be uploaded everytime.
• won't play sounds on youtube videos
• won't play radio 4 because it doesn't want to install Realplayer
• won't retain Outlook emails - not really a problem because I've swtiched to Googlemail now anyway.
• can't download clipart
• Saving anything isn't straightforward.

We were told that if we had this work done, technical support would be available to us, whereas if we didn't, we were on our own so far as support went. Well, I never needed anything more than the support of my ICT literate sons before. Now I need a full time supporter all of my own as I discover more and more things that I can't now do.

The big question is: How on earth will it manage anything useful with Glow? Most of what I will try to tell others about I will prepare at home.

I want it back the way it was...